I don’t handle death well. I think this stems from being with my best friend in High School/College when he died. It was a traumatic experience that still haunts me to this day. Even after 18 years one would think that I would get over these emotions and come to grips with some level of acceptance. There are still moments/flashbacks/nightmares that take me right back to the event… a smell, a sound, a phrase, a name, a place, an old friend.
It happened today.
I come home from work and get the news that a High School/College friend is terminally ill with cancer, treatment is not working, and is at the hospital with family and friends waiting to die. She is 36… we graduated High School together… Went to college together… Dated for a little while… Another High School/College friend leaves me a message… gives me the details. Time flashes back in slow motion.
I turn into an emotional wreck on the inside. Heading to Journey Group tonight I thought I was going to vomit. I try to explain what I am feeling to my teenager. She is gracious enough to listen. My eyes are fill of tears, thinking of my sick friend… thinking of the death of my best friend. At least I can blame the tears on the wind or allergies… jeep top is off ;-) I am not good at being emotional or vulnerable.
After Journey Group I went for a drive in the night air. Thinking… Pondering… clearing my head. What if you knew that you only had 36 years to live, would that cause you to live differently? Neither one of my friends anticipated death at 19 or 36 years of age. The bottom line is none of us know the time we will “expire”. Should we live like every day is our last? If we knew the time of our death would we live life differently and if so why are we not living that way now?
I don’t handle death well. I am not sure I can handle going to hospital. Perhaps I am selfish or scared. I am struggling with it. She was the first person I shard the gospel with after I came to faith in Jesus.
I have tried desperately to escape my past… cause I don’t like it. It is painful and is not something I usually bring up. It has a sneaky way of finding me… and wrecking me.
This cause so much introspection. At the end of my life I don’t want to look back with regret. I don’t want to “wake up” and realize I have wasted my life (See John Piper’s book) These kinds of things illuminate the things that are out of alignment.
“We’re all going to die
But we’re all not meant to die young”
__________________________
Eric M. (ericgmorgan.com)
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“All men die, but not
“All men die, but not everyone truely lives.”
William Wallace
God bless you and give you
God bless you and give you wisdom as you process this, Bro. May God bless your friend and her family. May God draw them near/er to Him in this process.
It is good to wrestle with existential thoughts. Paul said, “To live is Christ, to die is gain.” (Philippians 1:21) Every moment should be declaration of the majesty and Kingdom of Jesus Christ. Then when death comes, it is glorious for the Christ-follower, even while it is devastating for those left behind.
I am 37 now. My 33rd year was filled with this type of heart wrestling. My father died of leukemia when he was 33. I always wondered if I would outlive him. When you contemplate your death (as a Christ-follower) it should drive you to consider if you are slacking or pressing in. Press in everyone, PRESS IN. Don’t waste your life.
“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” - Paul
__________________________David Thew
Sojourn Pastor
Thewblog
-sigh- Memorial service for
-sigh-
Memorial service for Katherine McCord Brooks, 36, of Decatur will be today, June 14, 2008, at 2 p.m. at Central United Methodist Church in Decatur with the Rev. Mac Larkin and the Rev. Mark Haines officiating and Peck Funeral Home directing.
__________________________Visitation will be one hour before the service at the church.
Mrs. Brooks, who died Thursday, June 12, 2008, at Huntsville Hospital, was born Jan. 29, 1972, in Morgan County to John and Yvonne McCord. She was a graduate of Athens State College, and was a member of the Central United Methodist Church in Decatur where she was a member of the Kathy Brooks Sunday school class. She was preceded in death by her grandparents, Mary Katherine Woodall Evans, Samuel James Evans, John Idas McCord and Sue Rebecca Myrick McCord. She went to be with the Lord after a valiant battle with cancer.
Survivors include her husband, Robert Brooks; one son, Daryn Logan Little of Decatur; one stepdaughter, Haley Dianne Brooks of Hartselle; her parents; three sisters, Penny Webster of Huntsville, Carolyn Davis and husband, Andy, of Decatur, and Amy Dixon and husband, David, of Alpharetta, Ga.; one niece, Avery Dixon; and one nephew, Evan Dixon.
In lieu of flowers, memorials may be made to the American Cancer Society or to the Building Fund at Central United Methodist Church, 616 Jackson Street SE., Decatur, AL 35601.
Published in the Decatur Daily on 6/14/2008.
Eric M. (ericgmorgan.com)
“She went to be with the
“She went to be with the Lord after a valiant battle with cancer.” - Man, what an amazing statement. Would that we could all say that at the end of our lives - that whatever we do we would do it valiantly. Beautiful.
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